Do You Want Fries With That?
by The Policeman's Donut
Summary: AU: The local McDonald's would not be the place most people would choose to eat at, and certainly not work at. However that is what our protagonists have done, and now they must face low wages, a crazy boss and even worse, each other. T for Language


Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! WE'RE WRITING A COLLAB.

… _Yes. Yes we are. The product of me being bored and remembering my sister working at McDonalds. Also, neither of us have any clue what is going to happen. Imma write a chapter, then Donut write a chapter and so on. We have no idea where this is going. But knowing Donut, in the direction of Shikatema :l And I'll just have to roll with it. We have some rules, and changing the direction of the story completely is banned. As in, it has to make sense. Derp._

_ONWARDS TO FANFICTION!_

_**Hn. I don't own Naurto or McDonalds. How hard was that Donut? Can't you ever just write that and nothing else?**_** No. No I cannot!**

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><p><strong>Do You Want Fries With That?<strong>

"Hey, hey man. Hey."

"Huh? Oh. Hey."

"The sky is a pretty colour today. Don't you think?"

"We're inside a building. This city is so polluted the sky looks almost black permanently… And you're drunker than my father after work."

"Maaaaan. When did I get over here?"

"You stink of alcohol. Get off me."

"No seriously. A moment ago I was there, and now I'm here."

"What did you do to get your breath to stink so bad? Eat your dog?"

"Oh. I have a dog. He's in my bag."

"Oh hell. You didn't really Kiba, did you? Not again? She'll kill you."

"My bag's in the kitchen."

Groaning, Shikamaru pushed the drunken boy off him, watching him with a kind of dull interest as he fell onto the floor, looking utterly perplexed. He'd never understand how someone could be that stupid. He was about to kick the Inuzuka so that he could reach the till he was to be stationed at all morning when the door to the kitchen swung open to reveal an unhappy looking blonde.

"What now?" He was not in a good mood. Then again, he was hardly ever in a good mood. It was too much effort to shift his face into a positive expression. Whoever said it took fewer muscles to smile than to frown was an idiot. Most people's natural facial expression was closer to that of a frown.

Naruto paused momentarily to look at Kiba, who had now risen from the floor and was attempting to chat up the cash register. Sighing, Shikamaru reached over and pushed a button, causing the tray to pop out with a _ping! _Immediately, Kiba attempted to apologize for advancing so quickly and went and stood at the end of the counter, looking deeply crestfallen.

"What, Naruto?" he repeated, somewhat grumpily.

"Granny Tsunade wants to _talk_ to us."

"Well… We're screwed." Drumming his fingers on the counter, Shikamaru began to count the things that their boss might want to _talk_ to them about. He lost count after forty six (how they all still had their jobs was something even he, with all his supreme intellect, would never understand), when Naruto, in his usual irritating fashion, interrupted.

"This isn't good. This is so not good. I mean-"

This was the point in which Shikamaru chose to tune out. He had no interest in hearing how they were going to be fired. Not that he cared in particular. The only reason he had ever taken the job was to keep his friend company. He had no need for money, and had no aspiration or reason that having had a prior job might have had an impact on. Even if he had wanted to choose a place to work, the dark and almost sinister McDonald's would not have been his first choice. Or even his second. His train of thought was once again interrupted by Naruto.

"What are we gonna do?"

"I don't know, idiot! Why are you asking me? Go bug Neji about it!" The pecking order in the restaurant was only somewhat established. As far as he was concerned, it was Tsunade, Neji, Sasuke, Shino, Sai, Lee, Kiba, Naruto and Chouji, then him at the very bottom. Everyone but Neji and Sasuke, who battled it out to be at the top, seemed to think otherwise.

"What are we going to do?" There was suddenly considerably less amount of space at the counter when a fourth figure barged out of the kitchen. He seemed just as terrified as Naruto had been, and stopped to stare at Kiba as well (who at this point was crying into the wall and had his arms splayed against it, perhaps in an attempt to hug it) and opened his mouth to comment before Shikamaru cut in.

"Get back in the kitchen for a start Chouji. If a customer looks through the window and sees Kiba in this state, we'll not only be fired but shot, stuffed and hung from Tsunade's fireplace. She knows where we live." At this, Naruto and Chouji looked at each other and scampered back into the much larger kitchen. It took a couple of seconds for Shikamaru's brain to register what had just happened. "The ungrateful bastards," he grumbled, striding over to Kiba and attempting to detach him from the wall.

Gracefully kicking the double-hinged door open and throwing Kiba at Shino, who just happened to be standing near, Shikamaru went over to the edge of the kitchen and leant against a counter, avoiding Sai's creepy smiles and shifting away from him. He shot a glare at Naruto, but couldn't quite bring himself to direct the filthy look at his best friend as well, who was now staring guiltily at the floor. Naruto completely missed the expression though, as he was too busy poking Sasuke, who was currently in a corner, sulking. Everyone in the room jumped as another door came crashing open, and a shiny black bowl-haired boy tumbled in, grinning.

"Worry not my youthful comrades! I am sure Tsunade simply wishes to congratulate u-"

"Yeah, shut up Lee." Neji pushed his ridiculous friend out the way, causing him to stumble forwards and fall on a Kiba that had been deposited on the floor. "Let's face it; you're all going to get fired."

"Why us and not you? She asked to see you as well, didn't she?"

"Well, Naruto, I'm probably going to get promoted. That assistant manager job's opened up now that Kabuto left to work in Burger King." Neji said this very matter-of-factly, which was what made it hard to be angry him. He wasn't being big-headed, it was just him saying something he perceived as easy to detect as the fact Naruto was an idiot.

There was an awkward moment of silence, which was interrupted by a small yapping sound coming from Kiba's rucksack, the owner of which was now crawling towards it. A few moments later, a small white dog was running around, yapping his head off. Not that Shikamaru blamed him. Knowing Kiba, the bag was probably filled with an entire buffet of rotting food, and would stink to high heaven, even to a human nose. Naruto, however, wasn't as patient.

"Would you shut that thing up, Kiba? It's driving me nuts!" That might have been the end of it, if the idiotic blonde hadn't gone to pick the dog up. He was not as great as animals as he would have liked, and picked the unfortunate Akamaru up by the legs. The only way the dog knew how to show his displeasure was by biting Naruto's hand, who in turn responded by letting out a yell and hitting his attacker on the head.

Even when sober, Kiba did not tolerate _anyone_ injuring his dog. And so, it was no real surprise for anyone when he jumped at the hound's attacker and attempted to 'pound the crap out of him,' as he might have so delightfully put it, had he been capable of thinking in his right mind. The only one to make a move was Lee, who attempted to pry them apart, but was soon throwing punches as well in order to avoid getting killed.

It was, of course, that moment when Tsunade decided to come in to check on her beloved staff members.

"What the _hell_ is going on here?" she roared, causing them all to flinch. Luckily for Kiba, Akamaru had run off to hide under a counter as soon as they started brawling. If their boss has seen the dog, she would rage for days. As it was, they all might actually survive. Naruto and Lee fell away from Kiba, who was cowering on the floor.

The woman glared at each and every one of them, somehow even managing to make eye contact with Shino. She gave a positively feral growl, narrowing her eyes, before stalking off, her anger practically visible it was so intense. "I expect you all in my office after work today." The door slammed shut.

"We are so getting fired."

They were outside the office. None of them dared to do so much as breathe.

There were a couple of minutes of frantic gestures and angry mouthing, until Neji gave in and knocked on the door. Somehow, the voice that beckoned them in, while being calm and cold, was a lot more terrifying than when Tsunade had been yelling at them only hours earlier.

Slowly, one by one, the nine of them slunk in, mostly keeping their heads slightly bowed and their eyes on the floor. Tsunade had her swivel chair turned away from them, her desk lying neatly between them and her. There were a few moments of silence, during which Shikamaru had the audacity to sit in one of the chairs provided. He could feel the eruption coming, and he wanted to be sitting when it happened.

"You are _all_ useless!" Tsunade turned sharply, snarling savagely, her words and her killer gaze making them all shudder a little, even the still intoxicated Kiba. "Why the _fuck _do I put up with any of you? Sasuke!" she yelled, snapping to look at him as she spoke, as she would to every boy who was to receive a lecture. Which was all of them. "You do nothing except emo in a corner all day, and nobody even knows why! Sai, Shino, you both creep out the customers. Sai, you can't cook and distract everyone else by making pictures of them. Shino, you're meant to _crush _the bugs, not befriend them! Lee, Naruto, you two have too much energy and break everything that's breakable, and even things that aren't! Shikamaru, you don't have enough motivation, fall asleep at the counter, and never clean up what they break! Chouji, you're supposed to serve the food to the _customer _rather than your _stomach. _Neji, you have as much charisma and personality as a dead fish and work too hard on things that don't need fixing! And you, Kiba you keep bringing your wretched mutt into work and why the fuck are you on my desk?"

Naruto, who was closest, managed to pull the drunken Inuzuka off the desk before their pissed off boss's fist came crashing down were his head would have been. Fortunately for them, the blow seemed to calm her somewhat, and she breathed deeply a couple of times. "I am, however, incredibly generous, and we also happen to be running low on staff. So, you keep your jobs. But this wasn't why I originally wanted to speak to you all. When I _wanted _to say was that because you're all morons and we're shorthanded, I have decided to hire new staff. In fact, I _have _hired new staff, which is the reason why you're here. Starting tomorrow, you will have the pleasure of working with Misses Sakura, Hinata, Ino, Tenten and Temari. Oh, and some idiot named Kankuro."

The only reaction any of them had was to look over at each other, faces blank. They weren't fired. They were going to keep working, with new staff. But more importantly, they were going to be working with half of their species that none of them had ever had any proper experience around. They were going to be working with members of the opposite sex.

They were going to be working with _girls._

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><p><em>Mm. My style is somewhat more sarcastic than Donut's, no? Another challenge is to feature every one of the important characters. ALL OF THEM. Hence the random mentioning of Kabuto. I think the Raikage would make a wonderful headmaster, don't you? C:<em>

_Also, swivel chairs are the best invention since beanbags. _

_Also, fuck you. I like short chapters. Blarglaragagr. I shouldn't write when I'm sick/tired._

_Reuploaded due to the quantity of bad mistakes. I apologize._


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